VANISHING POINT FIRST READING
by Anthony Fremont
Summary: A SNEAK PEEK AT THE CAST'S FIRST READING OF A NEW SCRIPT - SLIGHTLY REVISED


"VANISHING POINT FIRST READING"  
  
Our story opens several months ago, in a conference room somewhere on the lot of Tantamount Studios. We find our illustrious group of daring "trekkers" sitting around a round table, settling in for a first reading of the new script.  
  
Tripe is curiously eyeing the plate of goodies that usually grace the table at such occasions. Reaching for an orange colored, slimy slice of something, or other, he says to no one in particular; "What all's this? Sum kinda melon?" "No" interjects Dr. Phlax; "It is called lox." "Lox?" queries Tripe as he takes a whiff of it. "Whew, weeeeee! Smells like back home when the outhouse got full and it was time to dig a new shitter!" "It is smoked salmon and you eat it on a bagel with tomato and onion". Replies Dr. Phlax, with obvious disdain. "Y'all say you eat it with tomater and onion?" Asks Tripe? "No, I said you eat it with to-mah'-toe and onion, you home fried bumpkin!" Dr. Phlax has obviously had it with country boy.  
  
"Actually, it's quite good. Very similar to what I grew up with." Quips Sushi, smiling. Just then, the door opens and the rest of our crew enters. There's Capt. Starcher, T-Paxil, Peed, and Maybe-Maybe Not.  
  
"Well, where's the Brothers Karamazov?" Asks Starcher, always trying to show off his classical background. Almost, as if on cue, which is really rare with this group, in walk the "suits" Boreman and Braggart. "Well, here's this week's gem, folks." Braggart announces, as Boreman passes around copies of the new story. "I know you all will be very happy with your roles in this exciting, ground breaking episode." "More like wind breaking, if ya ask me" Tripe interjects. "Get up on the wrong side of the hay loft this morning, Tripe?" Starcher asks with a big smile. Continues Braggart. "I know I'm very excited." Well of course he is. He wrote it and he's playing "land the shuttle pod in the landing bay" with T-Paxil. "They're all groundbreaking." Maybe-Maybe Not mutters to himself. "'Cuz they're sure burying my career!"  
  
Braggart begins..."In a nutshell, Sushi and Tripe are on this planet exploring some ruins. A cosmic storm comes up and the shuttle pod is useless." "Kinda like my acting skills on this gig." Starcher thinks to himself. "So" Braggart continues, "We gotta bring them up with the transporter.!" "Whatta you mean, "We" kemosabe?" remarks Tripe. "Now Tripe." Scolds Boreman, "listen and eat your melon." "T'aint no melon! It's fish!" replies Tripe, defensively.  
  
"Now, here's the kicker.!" Braggart can hardly contain himself. Suddenly, from across the room a voice says matter of factly; "The transporter malfunctions and doesn't reassemble one of them properly". A hush falls over the conference room. The silence is deafening. You could almost hear a tribble drop. All eyes are on the source of that revelation........T- Paxil! Braggart is dumfounded....speechless. "H-h-h-h-ow did you know?" Boreman stammers. "She's probably seen it on every Star Trek incarnation since the original series." Answers Dr. Phlax. "But, but that's impossible! This is brand new stuff! I thought of it, myself, I'm a protege'!" Braggart is turning redder than a tomater........I mean tomato. Realizing her major career faux paux........T-Paxil scrambles to his defense. "No, I read it last night, when you went to the bathroom for the numbing ointment." Well, hey, no one ever said she was a rocket scientist. Besides, she doesn't have to be with thrusters like those.  
  
Peed is getting impatient. There aren't any scones, or tea and he wants to get this over with. Boreman suggests that Braggart continue. After casting a disapproving look at T-Paxil and then suddenly getting a craving for grapefruit, Braggart continues with the outline. "Well, anyway, Sushi isn't sure if it's her imagination or if the transporter really put her together wrong, but she's starting to feel invisible and everyone keeps ignoring her." Maybe Maybe Not leaps to his feet! "What's so freakin' different about that? I've been living that damn scenario since we started this hayride!!!" Tripe snaps out of his daydream of summers at home, stealin' into Uncle Jeb's watermelon patch and havin' Cuzzin' Earl show you all the neat things a guy could do with a warm, squisshy watermelon. "Hayride? We goin' on a hayride?" "Oh put a cork in it, Huckelberry!" blares Maybe Maybe Not.  
  
"Excuse me, Excuse me." Starcher tries to be heard above the chaos. "But I think this would be a great storyline for me and Poo-Poo. You know, we could, like take on some of the other's traits and..." "Have you gone completely psycho, Starcher?" Shouts Braggart. "Really," adds Dr. Phlax. "Are you going to start scratching your ear with your leg, peeing on the walls and then what's the dog going to do.......start acting badly?"  
  
"Hey if there's any peeing to be done on this show." "Don't worry Peed" Boreman says reassuradly "it's in your contract. You do all the peeing."  
  
As all hell breaks loose, Tripe flings a "tomater" at Dr. Phlax, T-Paxil starts spreading cream cheese on her bagels, Braggart starts spreading T- Paxil's bagels on his face, Maybe Maybe Not is calling his agent, seeing if there's any other show he could be ignored on, and Sushi is smiling at everyone, thinking how much like a family they all are.  
  
Fear not, fans. All turned out well, as the episode got filmed and there appears to be more to come.  
  
Signed,  
  
The Ol' Fly On The Wall (or in the ointment?) 


End file.
